Judge Not

7 03 2012

Judge not lest ye be judged….

God uses the weak and foolish things of the world to confound the wise…

These are the phrases that popped into my head while I was driving to work one day last week. They are paraphrases of Matthew 7:1  and 1 Corinthians 1:27. Now, this topic couldn’t have been further from my mind at that moment. I was enjoying the blue skies and warm sun on my face and thinking about the characters that seemed to just introduce themselves to me in the past couple of weeks.

Who was I judging?

My first thought was for fellow writers. Especially those who have been published in the Christian Fiction genre. I had to cringe as I thought of some of the judgements I have passed on them. Not all, but really, very few have escaped my scathing comments. There have been others, too, but these particular authors have probably had the most scorn heaped upon them.

But really, who was I judging? I realized that in my harsh judgement of fellow writers (who were actually writing and not avoiding the blank page), I was really being my own harsh judge. I often discount the messages because the vehicles I would use to deliver them are not perfect. Though I know it is completely unrealistic, I do tend to expect brain to page perfection first time around.

I am moving past this. Not quickly. I seem to be fighting this “creative recovery” as much as I am embracing it.   Stay tuned…


Creating Space

8 02 2012

Lately, I have been obsessed about having my own space. A part of it is that I need a place where I can be comfortable. A place where I can write, or just create things in general. I love making things. Today, I made coffee, breakfast, and homemade valentines. I wrote my morning pages. I took a picture of me holding my puppy. All of this while sitting at the kitchen table. Because even in my room, I have not made space for myself.

It is not always about having physical space. Throughout my life, I have worked hard to make myself as small as possible. Always seeing others as better or more important than myself, and my goal is to always see them succeed. Noble, right? Not so much. It’s more like this: There is nothing good in me, so I will make sure that everyone sees what you have to offer. Don’t look at me. I am invisible. If you can’t see me, maybe you won’t discover how (insert negative thought here) i really am.

There are things I want. I still choose not to obtain them at the expense of someone else. I genuinely do want to see the people around me succeed and be everything that they are meant to be. I want to see good things happen for them. But, at this moment, I am rejoining the human race. I am declaring that I exist. This is my moment.

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